[Will won't let him spear Jeff, that's an accurate assumption. The stag settles in more obviously than Will, who simply tugs at one knee of his pants and shifts in his own seat, but it's basically the same thing. He's here for the long haul if Jeff will let him, he's in it to win it. Win Jeff's scotch. Friendship scotch.]
No problem. [Here in private, at least. Now that Will's gone and got some better control of it. Now that he's familiar all over again. However odd it might be to have the stag on display in the first place, Jeff seems to be taking it well. All the more reason to let it stay flopped on the table until Jeff gives some cue he's not comfortable with it any longer.] Trying not to suck as much. Change is slow.
[Abigail was right. She was number one in Will's book, and he followed every single conversation she had that he could see. Considering Will's relaxed against Jeff's couch to the point where his neck is close to falling back against it like he could pass out, though, it's not a bad thing.]
[For now Jeff seems perfectly fine with the little guy hanging around (and the stag, harhar). It's not entirely unlike having a dog or a cat around, except it's a stag, and made of shadows or something, and also on his table. But whatever. It's Will's and it doesn't seem to be causing any damage or harm so it can stay for now.]
You don't suck, Will. [Said in an ever suffering tone, and perhaps just a tinge of guilt at that possibly relating to the Will mocking he'd shared publicly with a certain someone.] You've managed to arrive at a new world and start a genuine family. You've done in a year what I've not managed to do in forty. You've got a home, a fantastic wife that I'd totally bone- no offence-, dogs, raccoons, actual friends. You've learnt to commit and you've aced it. I mean you got the whole deal. You're literally the least sucky guy I know.
[And just maybe Jeff's a little bit jealous of it all. He can barely even manage the concept of commitment, never mind a lasting relationship, dogs, a house and friends that actually care about him.]
At first, Will just figures Jeff is giving him a moderate, basic "cheer up, sad man" nudge. I suck, no you don't, the usual. And then they'll get on with their drinking and one of them might have to be carried back to Heropa (the one who lives there) and it won't be mentioned again. But Will is going to remember, of course, and find a way to mention it without mentioning it...by way of coming to Jeff's aid if he needs literally anything Will can provide, naturally.
But no, it's more than that, and by the end, Will's not sure if this is a compliment and proof that Will's doing okay...or a reminder to Jeff by Jeff that he's not doing as okay as someone else. Misplaced envy, or what Jeff doesn't view as being misplaced. He can't even be prodded to feel any sense of ire or distrust over the comment about how bone-able April is. He's too gobsmacked. And it's too true, April is undeniably beautiful by standards that don't apply just to Will Graham.]
I.
[Well, that's probably what he's trying to say, at any rate. It's a stop-start, stammer, almost a groan instead of a word. It sounds like he's trying to say something, though. Something English. Something another human being can understand. Half-melded against Jeff's couch, the only bones in him reacting to outside forces being the ones that have to hold onto that glass, he's glad he was sitting because.
Uh.
Really?
Goodness.]
Thanks. [And Will Graham went from forlorn stray dog to pleased that he had a new home to call his own in record timing that day, tearing his eyes away from Jeff the Giant back to the little fellow (the one on the table, harhar).] That actual friends thing has to go both ways for it to be true. The concept of friendship, I mean, falls on...how both parties. Believe.
[He means feel, but they're already sort of avoiding feelings in general, so he replaces it as best he can. He also means that Jeff is one of those friends, but he's responded a bit poorly in the past to outright declarations of affection, so.
Subtle-ish is the way to go, helped with another sip of that scotch.]
[It's not like he'd intended to start Winger Speeching on Will's life, but there was something about the mood in the room that felt like a small amount of optimism needed to be injected into the conversation. The optimism is bittersweet for Jeff though, applauding Will's successes while simultaneously laying out all his own failures. Even as the bitter, womanising hipster that he was, there was a need to settle and a need for friendship. Abandonment issues could really screw a guy up, Will might know a thing or two about that, and this place didn't exactly help when dragging people back and forth.
While Will take a moment to register the words, Jeff takes the opportunity to take a few broody swigs of his drink, almost emptying the glass in a matter of mouthfuls, but then there's words being returned and he feels like he should probably listen.
Perhaps Jeff reads more into it than he should, but there's something about the mention of friendship that has him perking up just slightly. Will's right in being subtle, as anything too forward would have Jeff closing off, but this? This was an offered hand without ever verbally being mentioned.
His movement after that is fluid and quick, twisting enough to face Will and leaning forward, his free arm wrapping around him and drawing him in for a one armed, seated bear hug. Underneath the gruff exterior Jeff's a cuddler and for a few very drawn out seconds, Will's left to deal with that.]
Thanks. [Muttered quietly. And then just as quick as it started, it ends, moving instead to reach for the scotch to top up his own glass and Wills, if needed.]
[And Mister Grumpy Gills' empathetic heart, so prone to suckling serial killers like a starving lamb, grew three sizes that day. Three sizes in the direction of the egotistical, arrogant, non-serial killer variant of the human bean.
It all happens so fast. Or, well, it feels like it does, though Will is so unused to physical affection outside of a very small group of people that it also stretches for an eternity. The other little feller in the room knows better than to draw attention to this mortifying display and keeps its dark head turned away, antlers situated with care to not risk leaving even the smallest scratch on Jeff's table. Underneath the socially awkward exterior, Will's a bit of a human dog, and although he wasn't expecting this turn of events, he reacts rather like one. He doesn't pull away, but fortunately the human part of him is still in tact, so he doesn't turn into this big nuzzling drooling goofball, either. He simply accepts it and for a moment leans against him, his movement so minute that anyone watching wouldn't be able to see it. But Jeff is right there, he can feel it. The last hug from a man much taller than Will ended with...
Yes, he'll take a topping off on his scotch, too, please and thank you.]
Do you really like Nonah? As a city, not...the kids. [Abigail is a great kid. Some of the others tiny people among the imPorts are cool, too. But kids, man. Lying scumbags who get away with too much, all of them.] There's plenty of places in Heropa you could move to, you know. If money's a problem, that can be worked out.
[Will likes all of his people nearby. The trip to Nonah ain't no thing when one is Registered, it's true, but...in the same way that April had wanted Will right there, he's suddenly realizing that he also wants Jeff right there, too. And since he's complained about these Goddamn kids on his lawn, it seems fair and logical to invite him to the adult ("adult") side of town in case he's been looking for a path out but hasn't had the time to do so. Or perhaps he doesn't want to put the effort into it? Which is fine, Will can do that. He's great at paperwork, goodness.
Also the whole hugging thing never happened outside of the fact that it did, this is how Will realizes that for what it is: topic change and swimming along like n o b i g d e a l.]
[Of course the lean in was noticed and more than appreciated. It means that Will's not totally freaked out by that brief but shining piece of affection and that Jeff isn't now going to be cast aside as the weird clingy dude. Hugging isn't all that cool, after all, and Jeff is all about image, especially the image of pretending not to care about his image. It's a difficult balance to be this hipster.
But no, they both seem to be in the clear and both wordlessly acknowledging that the huge never has to be brought up again. It's nothing more than an evolved handshake and never needs to be considered any weirder than that. So scotch for everyone! Except the little guy on the table.]
I dunno, the locals are pretty friendly but there's not much keeping me here. [Jeff's used to staying in one place. A homebody. He's never been the sort to move about or even try new areas even when others leave. Since being dumped in Nonah he's just sort of... never even thought about looking elsewhere.]
Heropa does appeal though. I mean, man, the sun and sand is a draw if nothing else. I just... I've been focusing on getting show off the ground and getting my own firm sorted so... [Money is basically the biggest problem, but he doesn't accept charity because owing people is gross.] Yeah. Maybe I'd move out there. Who knows?
[The little guy on the table doesn't need any scotch, does Jeff want a drunken shadow stag? Ever? Imagine that hell.
Evolved handshake never happened, not at all, Will slid through his window and collapsed on his couch and then they drank. That is the exact, most accurate summary of this evening and what he'll tell anyone else if it comes up. Except maybe April because she's his wife, and she deserves a bit more honesty than everyone else.]
The beach is right there, yeah. [Sun and sand and not a bit of surf and ladies in bikinis, isn't that last part the most important unspoken aspect of the beach for a hot giant man like Jeff Winger?] Couple of monetary assistance programs you could look at, too. And you know people there who might not mind splitting rent if it was with a roommate they got to choose instead of those who show up every now and then.
[He says to the scotch, the better to draw away that Will (and April) may be within that last group. It's so much easier to draw attention to things when he actively draws none to them. No extra emphasis, no pointed looks. Letting people take what they will but planting the seeds, torn between hopeful and curious...
He's learned a little bit from Hannibal, okay? But this isn't the worst way to utilized those methods, is it? He's not going to do anything bad to Jeff.
[It's getting increasingly hard to tell how much Jeff should and shouldn't be reading into this. Why is Will so interested in his housing situation? Why is he suggesting he join the other adults in Heropa? Is he really that concerned about Jeff living with a bunch of children or is there something else to this? And why is there this mention of rent splitting and living with roomies? Maybe there's just some serious investment in Jeff's personal life, or maybe there's a hint in there that he should be taking.]
Well, willing roomies is always the better option when compared with random children. I mean it's really nnnnot the best image to portray for a TV star when I'm getting press follow me back to my place only to see three kids here. [Not that he's necessarily that popular, but it's still a valid concern. The public might not appreciate a forty year old dude living with a bunch of kids, even if it can be explained with Govt housing issues.]
It doesn't matter. If I find somewhere, then great, if not, then I can wait around for something to come along. [Although now that he's got an office, a super cool sporty hovercar (thanks Satan) and some sort of money coming in, he supposes house hunting is next on the list.]
You and April still getting on alright together at your place?
[Juuuust checking that there hasn't been a split up just yet.]
[He nods along—yes, willing roomies are better, not the best image, he gets it. And while Will is maybe going to spend part of this night knocked out on Jeff's couch if things go that way (Lord knows he needs to sleep sometime), it seems like the little guy on the table has already taken that step. He gives off all the appearances of being completely asleep on Jeff's coffee table, at ease, feeling safe enough to do so. Go ahead and poke him, Jeff, see if that changes anything.
That question changes plenty, gets an actual human smile out of Will for a split second, fond and normal instead of the entire process that led up to getting here. There's no desperation or sad hope he's reaching out to the right person, just honest affection.]
Yeah, we're fine. Abigail's moved in now, too. We're, uh, getting along better than I ever dreamed of.
[But if Jeff wants a guy near his age to ride around in the super cool sporty hovercar (thanks Satan) so he can check out ladies walking down the sidewalk, Will can manage to sit still for a while. Drink in someone else's midlife crisis...after he downs the rest of Jeff's scotch in one go and slides the glass on the table with a quick wave of his hand. No refill please.
[That little guy on the table can sleep all he wants. Jeff's actually pretty okay with it curled up and quiet, so long as it doesn't scratch up the surface. Not that it's all that important because the table is a piece of shit anyway, he totally needs to buy all new furniture when he gets to a new place.
But moving plans could wait until he actually moved, and it's impolite to dream of fancy apartments after he's just asked Will a question.
The answer gets a slight sneer, his lip curling with a strange amount of affection behind the gesture because ew gross, love and wives and happiness and stuff.]
[Disgusted by his joy, not an uncommon thing for Will Graham. The taut smile Jeff's reaction (playful or otherwise) pulls out of him comes with wonder, too, about whether or not Jeff would say those words and be completely sincere with them if he revealed a bit more about what drew him here tonight. Who pulled Abigail Hobbs and Frederick Chilton and he as tightly together as they unfortunately are, if Jeff knew the real reasoning behind making that totally sober post about food...
He looks up for a moment, one eyebrow lifting as he weighs the change of topic. What should come next, now that he's sickened Jeff?]
You found anybody here that you...like?
[In the creaky bed way. Oh no, is Will sitting on another sex couch? Maybe he'll inherit it soon, too.]
[If Jeff ever makes the connection between Will and Hannibal he sure is going to feel stupid. But also probably not care in the slightest because what Will does back in his home world is totally not any of his business, so long as Jeff doesn't get eaten because that would probably be a bad thing.]
Like like, or just like? There's plenty of people I tolerate, but like, I'd say that's pretty limited. I'm not lacking in women to bone, if that's your concern, but I don't have to like them.
[Will might notice that Jeff and emotional attachment don't really go hand in hand, especially when it comes to love and anything that involves dependency and any chance of abandonment at the end of it all. Better to stay away from people in the first place, right?]
[So this is guy talk, huh. Social recluse Will Graham has never...
Okay, that's a big fat lie. Growing up with a dad who worked in boatyards means that Will has gotten to hear some shit over the years, of all sorts. Jeff's distance isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. As long as everyone involved wants to be there and comes to a fine ending, that's what really matters with one night stands, isn't it? And leave it to Will Graham to pick up on what could be taken as odd (his concern, what, like Will is actually invested in Jeff's sexual escapades, bro you are married?) and let it slide right off without ever bringing it light. He'll keep it that way if he can, doesn't furrow his brow or frown at the wording, doesn't react like no, no, you have it all wrong, Jeff!]
I'm sure they appreciate that you make it so there's enough of you to go around. [No sound comes out, but the little fellow on the table seems to either be snorting at what Will's just said or playing along with the idea that he is snoring. Either is valid. Will knows the truth.] Very generous of you.
[Better to stay away from people in the first place is right. Especially those from Baltimore. But too late, Jeff's extended a helping hand in Will's time of crisis.
[This probably counts as guy talk, even if Jeff isn't well versed in it either. He may act like the dudiest bro around and an expert in all things masculine, but Jeff was always the kid who sucked at sports, had no friends and was basically a huge loner nerd. Trying to be an actual 'guy' really only came about in the latter half of his life, and even now he'd just as happily talk about the overpriced facial scrubs he uses or the best place for a beauty session, because real men know that kind of shit.]
Yeah, I'm the gift that just keeps giving. [He replies with the most obvious of eye rolls, briefly sparing a look at Bambi because that little shit better not be mocking, yo.
Whether Will likes it or not, that empty glass of his on the table is getting a refill, and so is Jeff's.]
So it's not wife that's got you upset... [What is it?!]
[Please, God, Will could use something like that even if he doesn't say it out loud. Probably be down to April to get him into the habit of using it but once he's been given the proper training to the new routine, he's an old dog at it.
A muted eye roll is what Jeff gets in return, easily done when it looks like he'd rather just let his head roll right on his shoulder and stay there forever. But for a moment, it appears as though Will is going to do some pufferfish technique, huff out his chest a little and claim that nothing's wrong, he isn't upset. Only...normally, people don't use shadow nightmare stags as ladders, slide into a window as soon as it's open enough for them to fit through, and then sit around drinking booze with a tiny version of that antlered beast totally not mocking on the coffee table. Even by this world's standards, his behavior is noticeably...muddled. Saying otherwise doesn't just put up a wall, but serves as insult to Jeff. Rudeness. No thank you. Not today, Satan.]
I...fucked up with somebody. [Comes out after the world's weariest sigh, though he does not at all hesitate to snatch up that scotch again. Yeah, he's so put upon, free scotch, the worst ever, the world is just out to get him right now.] You ever have those people who know you pretty well, whether you want them to or not, and you get into an argument...they say something about how you're reacting and...
[He waves his glass; by the grace of God, somehow, the side that sloshes all the way to top manages not to slosh over. Being understood on any level is a burden!]
...realize that maybe they're right. So you're the asshole in the situation?
[Will isn't ordinarily the most swear-riddled person, it's true. But he's ordinarily stuck in a line of work that demands a modicum of professionalism, so even if he doesn't shake hands with every crime journalist or play completely nice with all parties involved, he can manage that much. Jeff isn't work and Jeff isn't horribly offended by such foul language; it's refreshing to slip into a "normal" sort of rudeness (via crudeness) from time to time. He's gonna take advantage.]
[He's glad for the honesty, even if not entirely expecting it. Jeff has spent a lifetime coping with and issuing out lies and half truths, only to be forced into normal society later in life and come to the devastating realisation that maybe that's not the best way to make friends. Friends hadn't really been an issue for him in the past and definitely not something he pursued, although the past five years had brought about a change that not only had him enjoying the company of others, but actively trying to keep it. Yes, the tin man had learnt that having friends kind of gave him the warm fuzzies, and just maybe he'd had a heart all along.
So Will telling the truth? (Or what Jeff can only assume is honesty). It's an oddly reassuring feeling.]
You're talking to the guy who's pretty much the asshole in every situation. So yeah, I get it.
[Leaning back into his space thoughtfully, quietly considering Will's words and his own personal experiences. Not being liked sucked. As much as Jeff bickers and throws tantrums, he's still careful to avoid leaving things on a bad note. Will didn't even appear to be the asshole of virtually any situation, but Jeff's witnessed first hand just what can be said when something isn't quite right. It's almost worse coming from the puppy eyed stray dog than it is from some snarling grouch like Jeff. There's something unexpected about it, something more poignant and meaningful.]
[He's telling the truth as much as he can. He won't be able to drop names without spinning it in a way that turns back into a lie, so hopefully they can avoid it. But snarling grouches and dogs with eternal puppy eyes can be the best of friends anyone ever imagined, Will has seen that firsthand. The hefty, ugly types being protective (or protected) by the sleek, beautiful breeds that made it difficult to believe anyone would get rid of something that seemed purebred. Expensive. Odd couples weren't just a thing with humans. So Jeff can be the tall, one night stand-loving, grouch next to Will's short, married, perpetually kicked in the soul face without it ever once being an issue, not to Will. Could be handy, even. If Will passes out and has no shadow stag to gallop back to Heropa, Jeff can carry him. Everyone wins!
Until that question, which gets a sigh, one hand running through his hair. Poorly, from the looks of it.]
Not great. We came to an agreement, but...still wasn't great.
[That is more of a sip than anything he's taken so far. He knows how to be moderate! To drink liquor like that's what it is instead of treating it like cream soda on a scorching, sunny day.]
I've never thought you were an asshole, for the record.
[Because Will relates to Jeff on a level that he finds it better if Jeff never, ever becomes aware of as much as because Will Graham? The people he's used to, the ones others would consider assholes...they're way, way, way worse than Jeff. Jeff is the most polite Boy Scout with practically perfect etiquette by comparison.
Will's views are...somewhat skewed. Slightly. But hey. Jeff just got a free pass for not being an asshole from a criminal profiler who psychoanalyzes the littlest things and has made a career out of that. Ego boost? Maybe? If he looks at it in a good light? He didn't even have to take a terribly-formatted Geocities test to hear that he was a gr8 guy!]
[But who is the hefty, ugly type in this scenario, Will?! Hefty and ugly or sleek and pedigree, Jeff would still protect his friends to the bitter end with the same viciousness and stubbornness that he usually only reserves for himself. It's a rare few that get the support of Jeff, but the ones that do have it for life. Or until they really fuck up. Will's done well to side with Jeff, and all by simply being nice to him. It's amazing how a bitter hipster who acts like he hates humanity still wants to cuddle up to the first hand that's offered out for affection. Yes plz, like him, love him, take him home because he's great, right? Isn't he good? Tell him he's good.
Except Will's little comment of support merely gains a scoff from Jeff, resisting an eye roll and totally avoiding displaying any of the internal screaming and joy that might come from such acceptance. It's not like he cares if Will thinks he's nice or not!]
Yeah, whatever. [Too cool for emotions.]
So, 'agreement'? [Half hearted finger quotes that get the drink in one hand sloshing lightly onto the couch.] Did you actually apologize or is this the kind of agreement that comes from two stubborn asses refusing to admit any wrong?
[~Tell Me Something Good About Me~ - Jeff Winger/Will Graham - 1,306 words - Update coming soon!!! r&r plz!
Scoff away, Jeff! That only serves to make Will's assessment of Jeff feel a thousand times more valid. Jeff's never struck him as humble...except when it comes to emotions. The whole world should know that Jeff Winger is a super hot stallion ready for the laydees, and that he's a boss ass lawyer, he's just sp totally awesome. But the world doesn't need to know he's on their level in the way that he also suffers from betrayal or loss, that he feels things other than the more positive (and narcissistic) set of emotions. That he feels a need to belong with someone, somewhere, to connect and share...that he's just like everyone else. No sir, nobody needs to know that, and far be it from Will to be blunter about it all. Better to just look down and think, absorbed in his own negative emotions for a moment.]
I would've looked worse if I apologized. [So the latter, sort of. Will's job is basically "be really really wrong until he's completely right," he is not unfamiliar with being in the wrong, or wrong about people and things. He's not unable to admit when he's fucked up, but when faced with accusations that he's making a person his victim, especially when that person is one of the only two from home he has around? It gets stickier. An apology, however sincere, could have been seen as an attempt at regaining control, or borderline abusive, and hell if he wanted to veer the sinking ship into those murky waters.] Stubborn asses is fitting, though. I just happened to be the bigger ass this time around, I guess.
[Where is a tiny violin for the shadowstag to play when it's needed.]
[The world never needs to know that he's on the same level as them. He doesn't want people to see his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. There would be nothing worse than those being laid out for the world to see, and it's why he's so very careful around his camera crew, and why he gets so easily wound up the second a flaw starts to rear it's head for others to see. Jeff spent the better part of his childhood learning to become an uncaring, egotistical little shit and that's a hard act to drop after so many years of playing it.
He's learnt to at least pretend he cares enough to tolerate Will's presence and sulking and drunken self-pity. But maybe it's not pretend. Maybe he does actually care, and that thought scares him more than any shadow stag or creepy guys at his window ever could.]
So I take it this isn't the first time you and this mystery person has had a falling out. [The 'this time around' gave it away, or at least that's his interpretation of it all.] You must like them, right? Otherwise this wouldn't bother you so much. Do they know how important they are to you? You ever mention that sort of stuff?
[Jeff never does and then he misses what he's lost, all because he refused to discuss feelings.]
[Don't be afraid of caring, Jeff. Will is here to care way more than anyone ever should and be scared while he does so. Whenever the tingle of concern for another human being strikes fear in your heart, just go bug Will. He'll absorb that and have weird nightmares and no one will be any worse for it. What a pal. A scary, carey pal.
But, oh, what a question that is. Slew of questions, really. The furrowed brow Jeff's (accurate) guess draws out morphs as he smiles. An oddly fond smile for another human being who doesn't happen to be April, someone who isn't a talking dog...not the first time he and this mystery person had issues, no, and despite those issues, Will found them a source of stability for all the hassle. Jeff's accuracy doesn't grate or worry, either—he appreciates it. Guy might act like an overgrown frat boy from time to time, but he can't hide that he has a brain in him, too. Will can relate.]
Not in as many words, but we've gone through enough together that they have to realize it. [He took care of the Abel Gideon mess instead of making it worse, doesn't that prove...well, something of his loyalty? He invited him for Easter! He made dinner, he made sure their home was tidier, he let him into his life here! He went back to therapy, doesn't that say everything? Although perhaps that's a bit of Hannibal's hold on him—saying things without being completely direct. Only that leads to ruin. With Will it...shit, well, leads to the same thing, too, perhaps? In this case, at least. And as he says it out loud, he thinks maybe he's putting some of the dish together, the meat within the meat. He looks away from Jeff and back to the drink.] Sounds like that's a big problem, huh? You cracked the case.
[Will can care enough for the both of them, because if Jeff cares too much his heart might explode, and then Will would be left trying to explain to the cops why there's a dead guy in a house full of children after Will had snuck in the window with a shadow Bambi.
Anyway, the smiling is slightly weird, but something he can work with. He supposes Will smiling is a thing that's allowed, but in the context of falling out with someone enough to want to get drunk and climb through windows, Jeff would say happiness isn't a thing that should be felt. Unless he really is just that good at uplifting people with his speeches that he now doesn't even have to make the speech in the first place. Maybe a bunch of questions is enough.]
Yup. That's me. Solving all the problems like a good little lawyer. Guess you've got nothing to worry about now, huh? [The smallest of smiles forced in return, almost hopeful like just maybe everything has been fixed and now Will isn't going to be sad any more. Friends make friends happy, right? That's a thing that happens, or so he's been led to believe in the short five years of him actually having friends. In the grand scheme of things it's not a long time, and Jeff's really still in the infantile stages of friendship, the sort of lessons most learn in playgroup where he's just realised that sharing is kind of okay and punching someone in the face to steal their crayons is not acceptable behaviour.]
Maybe tell them you're an asshole too. People love it when you can admit that.
[To be fair, they're good questions. No prying about his mother, his father, what sort of childhood he had in order to make him the stubborn asshole is he today. They prod at his emotions, true, but not in a way that's malicious, insidious. Jeff Winger is not a psychiatrist, either, so that works in his favor. Will had an awesome lawyer after he fired a bunch of duds, too, perhaps that comes into play on some level he doesn't want to think about very much.
Just like he doubts Jeff wants to think very much about what he just said. How Jeff claims to be asshole but later goes onto say that people love a person who can admit that about themselves. Surely that's not tied into anything, not at all. Surely Jeff's attempts at isolation while being willing to admit his terrible flaw as an asshole aren't in direct conflict with each other. Surely Jeff isn't subtly hinting that while he might act like he's 100% okay playing the lone wolf game, he really does feel the urge to be loved. That he's human.
Not Jeff Winger. And in the case of Will Graham, who reads between the lines too much sometimes not enough at others...he files this away without bringing it to light.]
I can do that. Maybe in different wording, but...you're right. [He is slowly becoming one with Jeff's couch. Leave him here, he's fine.] Thanks for [opening the window, letting him in (in more ways than one), listening, caring? Oh no.] everything.
[It's definitely for the best that Will keeps his mouth shut on the whole situation he's read into this. Jeff's spent a lifetime building walls and learning to live alone and work alone and depend on his self. The fact that even he craves affection and attention just like the rest of humanity shouldn't factor into it. He wants to be loved, sure, but he doesn't want people picking up on that fact. If people like Will start dredging up his deep, dark desires, then surely it means his bitter, asshole hipster act is all pointless? It doesn't bear thinking about. Best to just keep with the totally cool and not in need of friends act and just hope no one catches on.
Will knows how to keep Jeff happy though, and he even drags a smile from him at the simple words 'you're right'. Yeah. Of course Jeff is right. He's always right. He makes a career out of being right even when he's completely wrong.]
Just drink your scotch and never mention it again. [OR ELSE. Mention of his kindness can never be spoken about. Although just quickly...] You can sleep on the couch. If you want.
Will shifts enough to withdraw his communicator and slide it onto the coffee table. His movements are a bit slower than usual, thanks to the scotch, but it's his silent agreement that yes. He will accept this offer. He will crash his adorable Teddy Graham self on Jeff's couch, thank you kindly. Perhaps Jeff will wake up to find Will still knocked out on it. Perhaps he'll wake up to find him gone and the spot cleaned up like no one had sat on it in days. Could go either way. But if Jeff finds him making any dumb faces or decides to cover his face with dicks ejaculating in his nostrils, there is Will's communicator. He better send April some pics of her husband covered in dicks, Goddamnit.]
You got it.
[Pint-sized terror Bambi takes one last look at Jeff before Will's shadow attaches to him once more, doing his best to keep a smile off his face and his eyes off Jeff. Just gonna down his scotch, eventually kick his shoes off, and sleep over like the wayward cousin who can't go home right now, come on, one night, guys please.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-06-17 08:11 pm (UTC)No problem. [Here in private, at least. Now that Will's gone and got some better control of it. Now that he's familiar all over again. However odd it might be to have the stag on display in the first place, Jeff seems to be taking it well. All the more reason to let it stay flopped on the table until Jeff gives some cue he's not comfortable with it any longer.] Trying not to suck as much. Change is slow.
[Abigail was right. She was number one in Will's book, and he followed every single conversation she had that he could see. Considering Will's relaxed against Jeff's couch to the point where his neck is close to falling back against it like he could pass out, though, it's not a bad thing.]
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Date: 2015-06-17 10:56 pm (UTC)You don't suck, Will. [Said in an ever suffering tone, and perhaps just a tinge of guilt at that possibly relating to the Will mocking he'd shared publicly with a certain someone.] You've managed to arrive at a new world and start a genuine family. You've done in a year what I've not managed to do in forty. You've got a home, a fantastic wife that I'd totally bone- no offence-, dogs, raccoons, actual friends. You've learnt to commit and you've aced it. I mean you got the whole deal. You're literally the least sucky guy I know.
[And just maybe Jeff's a little bit jealous of it all. He can barely even manage the concept of commitment, never mind a lasting relationship, dogs, a house and friends that actually care about him.]
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Date: 2015-06-18 03:10 am (UTC)At first, Will just figures Jeff is giving him a moderate, basic "cheer up, sad man" nudge. I suck, no you don't, the usual. And then they'll get on with their drinking and one of them might have to be carried back to Heropa (the one who lives there) and it won't be mentioned again. But Will is going to remember, of course, and find a way to mention it without mentioning it...by way of coming to Jeff's aid if he needs literally anything Will can provide, naturally.
But no, it's more than that, and by the end, Will's not sure if this is a compliment and proof that Will's doing okay...or a reminder to Jeff by Jeff that he's not doing as okay as someone else. Misplaced envy, or what Jeff doesn't view as being misplaced. He can't even be prodded to feel any sense of ire or distrust over the comment about how bone-able April is. He's too gobsmacked. And it's too true, April is undeniably beautiful by standards that don't apply just to Will Graham.]
I.
[Well, that's probably what he's trying to say, at any rate. It's a stop-start, stammer, almost a groan instead of a word. It sounds like he's trying to say something, though. Something English. Something another human being can understand. Half-melded against Jeff's couch, the only bones in him reacting to outside forces being the ones that have to hold onto that glass, he's glad he was sitting because.
Uh.
Really?
Goodness.]
Thanks. [And Will Graham went from forlorn stray dog to pleased that he had a new home to call his own in record timing that day, tearing his eyes away from Jeff the Giant back to the little fellow (the one on the table, harhar).] That actual friends thing has to go both ways for it to be true. The concept of friendship, I mean, falls on...how both parties. Believe.
[He means feel, but they're already sort of avoiding feelings in general, so he replaces it as best he can. He also means that Jeff is one of those friends, but he's responded a bit poorly in the past to outright declarations of affection, so.
Subtle-ish is the way to go, helped with another sip of that scotch.]
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Date: 2015-06-18 09:34 pm (UTC)While Will take a moment to register the words, Jeff takes the opportunity to take a few broody swigs of his drink, almost emptying the glass in a matter of mouthfuls, but then there's words being returned and he feels like he should probably listen.
Perhaps Jeff reads more into it than he should, but there's something about the mention of friendship that has him perking up just slightly. Will's right in being subtle, as anything too forward would have Jeff closing off, but this? This was an offered hand without ever verbally being mentioned.
His movement after that is fluid and quick, twisting enough to face Will and leaning forward, his free arm wrapping around him and drawing him in for a one armed, seated bear hug. Underneath the gruff exterior Jeff's a cuddler and for a few very drawn out seconds, Will's left to deal with that.]
Thanks. [Muttered quietly. And then just as quick as it started, it ends, moving instead to reach for the scotch to top up his own glass and Wills, if needed.]
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Date: 2015-06-18 10:20 pm (UTC)It all happens so fast. Or, well, it feels like it does, though Will is so unused to physical affection outside of a very small group of people that it also stretches for an eternity. The other little feller in the room knows better than to draw attention to this mortifying display and keeps its dark head turned away, antlers situated with care to not risk leaving even the smallest scratch on Jeff's table. Underneath the socially awkward exterior, Will's a bit of a human dog, and although he wasn't expecting this turn of events, he reacts rather like one. He doesn't pull away, but fortunately the human part of him is still in tact, so he doesn't turn into this big nuzzling drooling goofball, either. He simply accepts it and for a moment leans against him, his movement so minute that anyone watching wouldn't be able to see it. But Jeff is right there, he can feel it. The last hug from a man much taller than Will ended with...
Yes, he'll take a topping off on his scotch, too, please and thank you.]
Do you really like Nonah? As a city, not...the kids. [Abigail is a great kid. Some of the others tiny people among the imPorts are cool, too. But kids, man. Lying scumbags who get away with too much, all of them.] There's plenty of places in Heropa you could move to, you know. If money's a problem, that can be worked out.
[Will likes all of his people nearby. The trip to Nonah ain't no thing when one is Registered, it's true, but...in the same way that April had wanted Will right there, he's suddenly realizing that he also wants Jeff right there, too. And since he's complained about these Goddamn kids on his lawn, it seems fair and logical to invite him to the adult ("adult") side of town in case he's been looking for a path out but hasn't had the time to do so. Or perhaps he doesn't want to put the effort into it? Which is fine, Will can do that. He's great at paperwork, goodness.
Also the whole hugging thing never happened outside of the fact that it did, this is how Will realizes that for what it is: topic change and swimming along like n o b i g d e a l.]
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Date: 2015-06-19 01:38 pm (UTC)But no, they both seem to be in the clear and both wordlessly acknowledging that the huge never has to be brought up again. It's nothing more than an evolved handshake and never needs to be considered any weirder than that. So scotch for everyone! Except the little guy on the table.]
I dunno, the locals are pretty friendly but there's not much keeping me here. [Jeff's used to staying in one place. A homebody. He's never been the sort to move about or even try new areas even when others leave. Since being dumped in Nonah he's just sort of... never even thought about looking elsewhere.]
Heropa does appeal though. I mean, man, the sun and sand is a draw if nothing else. I just... I've been focusing on getting show off the ground and getting my own firm sorted so... [Money is basically the biggest problem, but he doesn't accept charity because owing people is gross.] Yeah. Maybe I'd move out there. Who knows?
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Date: 2015-06-19 10:40 pm (UTC)Evolved handshake never happened, not at all, Will slid through his window and collapsed on his couch and then they drank. That is the exact, most accurate summary of this evening and what he'll tell anyone else if it comes up. Except maybe April because she's his wife, and she deserves a bit more honesty than everyone else.]
The beach is right there, yeah. [Sun and sand and not a bit of surf and ladies in bikinis, isn't that last part the most important unspoken aspect of the beach for a hot giant man like Jeff Winger?] Couple of monetary assistance programs you could look at, too. And you know people there who might not mind splitting rent if it was with a roommate they got to choose instead of those who show up every now and then.
[He says to the scotch, the better to draw away that Will (and April) may be within that last group. It's so much easier to draw attention to things when he actively draws none to them. No extra emphasis, no pointed looks. Letting people take what they will but planting the seeds, torn between hopeful and curious...
He's learned a little bit from Hannibal, okay? But this isn't the worst way to utilized those methods, is it? He's not going to do anything bad to Jeff.
Not without reason!]
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Date: 2015-06-20 01:32 pm (UTC)Well, willing roomies is always the better option when compared with random children. I mean it's really nnnnot the best image to portray for a TV star when I'm getting press follow me back to my place only to see three kids here. [Not that he's necessarily that popular, but it's still a valid concern. The public might not appreciate a forty year old dude living with a bunch of kids, even if it can be explained with Govt housing issues.]
It doesn't matter. If I find somewhere, then great, if not, then I can wait around for something to come along. [Although now that he's got an office, a super cool sporty hovercar (thanks Satan) and some sort of money coming in, he supposes house hunting is next on the list.]
You and April still getting on alright together at your place?
[Juuuust checking that there hasn't been a split up just yet.]
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Date: 2015-06-20 11:28 pm (UTC)That question changes plenty, gets an actual human smile out of Will for a split second, fond and normal instead of the entire process that led up to getting here. There's no desperation or sad hope he's reaching out to the right person, just honest affection.]
Yeah, we're fine. Abigail's moved in now, too. We're, uh, getting along better than I ever dreamed of.
[But if Jeff wants a guy near his age to ride around in the super cool sporty hovercar (thanks Satan) so he can check out ladies walking down the sidewalk, Will can manage to sit still for a while. Drink in someone else's midlife crisis...after he downs the rest of Jeff's scotch in one go and slides the glass on the table with a quick wave of his hand. No refill please.
Yet.]
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Date: 2015-06-21 09:33 pm (UTC)But moving plans could wait until he actually moved, and it's impolite to dream of fancy apartments after he's just asked Will a question.
The answer gets a slight sneer, his lip curling with a strange amount of affection behind the gesture because ew gross, love and wives and happiness and stuff.]
Jesus, you're sickening.
[He's only playing, bro. He just jelly.]
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Date: 2015-06-23 04:26 am (UTC)He looks up for a moment, one eyebrow lifting as he weighs the change of topic. What should come next, now that he's sickened Jeff?]
You found anybody here that you...like?
[In the creaky bed way. Oh no, is Will sitting on another sex couch? Maybe he'll inherit it soon, too.]
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Date: 2015-06-23 08:14 pm (UTC)Like like, or just like? There's plenty of people I tolerate, but like, I'd say that's pretty limited. I'm not lacking in women to bone, if that's your concern, but I don't have to like them.
[Will might notice that Jeff and emotional attachment don't really go hand in hand, especially when it comes to love and anything that involves dependency and any chance of abandonment at the end of it all. Better to stay away from people in the first place, right?]
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Date: 2015-06-23 09:09 pm (UTC)Okay, that's a big fat lie. Growing up with a dad who worked in boatyards means that Will has gotten to hear some shit over the years, of all sorts. Jeff's distance isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. As long as everyone involved wants to be there and comes to a fine ending, that's what really matters with one night stands, isn't it? And leave it to Will Graham to pick up on what could be taken as odd (his concern, what, like Will is actually invested in Jeff's sexual escapades, bro you are married?) and let it slide right off without ever bringing it light. He'll keep it that way if he can, doesn't furrow his brow or frown at the wording, doesn't react like no, no, you have it all wrong, Jeff!]
I'm sure they appreciate that you make it so there's enough of you to go around. [No sound comes out, but the little fellow on the table seems to either be snorting at what Will's just said or playing along with the idea that he is snoring. Either is valid. Will knows the truth.] Very generous of you.
[Better to stay away from people in the first place is right. Especially those from Baltimore. But too late, Jeff's extended a helping hand in Will's time of crisis.
He's part of the pack now, so to speak.]
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Date: 2015-06-24 11:18 pm (UTC)Yeah, I'm the gift that just keeps giving. [He replies with the most obvious of eye rolls, briefly sparing a look at Bambi because that little shit better not be mocking, yo.
Whether Will likes it or not, that empty glass of his on the table is getting a refill, and so is Jeff's.]
So it's not wife that's got you upset... [What is it?!]
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Date: 2015-06-25 02:18 pm (UTC)A muted eye roll is what Jeff gets in return, easily done when it looks like he'd rather just let his head roll right on his shoulder and stay there forever. But for a moment, it appears as though Will is going to do some pufferfish technique, huff out his chest a little and claim that nothing's wrong, he isn't upset. Only...normally, people don't use shadow nightmare stags as ladders, slide into a window as soon as it's open enough for them to fit through, and then sit around drinking booze with a tiny version of that antlered beast totally not mocking on the coffee table. Even by this world's standards, his behavior is noticeably...muddled. Saying otherwise doesn't just put up a wall, but serves as insult to Jeff. Rudeness. No thank you. Not today, Satan.]
I...fucked up with somebody. [Comes out after the world's weariest sigh, though he does not at all hesitate to snatch up that scotch again. Yeah, he's so put upon, free scotch, the worst ever, the world is just out to get him right now.] You ever have those people who know you pretty well, whether you want them to or not, and you get into an argument...they say something about how you're reacting and...
[He waves his glass; by the grace of God, somehow, the side that sloshes all the way to top manages not to slosh over. Being understood on any level is a burden!]
...realize that maybe they're right. So you're the asshole in the situation?
[Will isn't ordinarily the most swear-riddled person, it's true. But he's ordinarily stuck in a line of work that demands a modicum of professionalism, so even if he doesn't shake hands with every crime journalist or play completely nice with all parties involved, he can manage that much. Jeff isn't work and Jeff isn't horribly offended by such foul language; it's refreshing to slip into a "normal" sort of rudeness (via crudeness) from time to time. He's gonna take advantage.]
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Date: 2015-06-27 10:20 pm (UTC)So Will telling the truth? (Or what Jeff can only assume is honesty). It's an oddly reassuring feeling.]
You're talking to the guy who's pretty much the asshole in every situation. So yeah, I get it.
[Leaning back into his space thoughtfully, quietly considering Will's words and his own personal experiences. Not being liked sucked. As much as Jeff bickers and throws tantrums, he's still careful to avoid leaving things on a bad note. Will didn't even appear to be the asshole of virtually any situation, but Jeff's witnessed first hand just what can be said when something isn't quite right. It's almost worse coming from the puppy eyed stray dog than it is from some snarling grouch like Jeff. There's something unexpected about it, something more poignant and meaningful.]
How did you leave it?
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Date: 2015-06-28 05:41 am (UTC)Until that question, which gets a sigh, one hand running through his hair. Poorly, from the looks of it.]
Not great. We came to an agreement, but...still wasn't great.
[That is more of a sip than anything he's taken so far. He knows how to be moderate! To drink liquor like that's what it is instead of treating it like cream soda on a scorching, sunny day.]
I've never thought you were an asshole, for the record.
[Because Will relates to Jeff on a level that he finds it better if Jeff never, ever becomes aware of as much as because Will Graham? The people he's used to, the ones others would consider assholes...they're way, way, way worse than Jeff. Jeff is the most polite Boy Scout with practically perfect etiquette by comparison.
Will's views are...somewhat skewed. Slightly. But hey. Jeff just got a free pass for not being an asshole from a criminal profiler who psychoanalyzes the littlest things and has made a career out of that. Ego boost? Maybe? If he looks at it in a good light? He didn't even have to take a terribly-formatted Geocities test to hear that he was a gr8 guy!]
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Date: 2015-06-28 08:52 pm (UTC)Except Will's little comment of support merely gains a scoff from Jeff, resisting an eye roll and totally avoiding displaying any of the internal screaming and joy that might come from such acceptance. It's not like he cares if Will thinks he's nice or not!]
Yeah, whatever. [Too cool for emotions.]
So, 'agreement'? [Half hearted finger quotes that get the drink in one hand sloshing lightly onto the couch.] Did you actually apologize or is this the kind of agreement that comes from two stubborn asses refusing to admit any wrong?
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Date: 2015-06-28 11:50 pm (UTC)Scoff away, Jeff! That only serves to make Will's assessment of Jeff feel a thousand times more valid. Jeff's never struck him as humble...except when it comes to emotions. The whole world should know that Jeff Winger is a super hot stallion ready for the laydees, and that he's a boss ass lawyer, he's just sp totally awesome. But the world doesn't need to know he's on their level in the way that he also suffers from betrayal or loss, that he feels things other than the more positive (and narcissistic) set of emotions. That he feels a need to belong with someone, somewhere, to connect and share...that he's just like everyone else. No sir, nobody needs to know that, and far be it from Will to be blunter about it all. Better to just look down and think, absorbed in his own negative emotions for a moment.]
I would've looked worse if I apologized. [So the latter, sort of. Will's job is basically "be really really wrong until he's completely right," he is not unfamiliar with being in the wrong, or wrong about people and things. He's not unable to admit when he's fucked up, but when faced with accusations that he's making a person his victim, especially when that person is one of the only two from home he has around? It gets stickier. An apology, however sincere, could have been seen as an attempt at regaining control, or borderline abusive, and hell if he wanted to veer the sinking ship into those murky waters.] Stubborn asses is fitting, though. I just happened to be the bigger ass this time around, I guess.
[Where is a tiny violin for the shadowstag to play when it's needed.]
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Date: 2015-07-03 11:12 pm (UTC)He's learnt to at least pretend he cares enough to tolerate Will's presence and sulking and drunken self-pity. But maybe it's not pretend. Maybe he does actually care, and that thought scares him more than any shadow stag or creepy guys at his window ever could.]
So I take it this isn't the first time you and this mystery person has had a falling out. [The 'this time around' gave it away, or at least that's his interpretation of it all.] You must like them, right? Otherwise this wouldn't bother you so much. Do they know how important they are to you? You ever mention that sort of stuff?
[Jeff never does and then he misses what he's lost, all because he refused to discuss feelings.]
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Date: 2015-07-04 12:31 am (UTC)But, oh, what a question that is. Slew of questions, really. The furrowed brow Jeff's (accurate) guess draws out morphs as he smiles. An oddly fond smile for another human being who doesn't happen to be April, someone who isn't a talking dog...not the first time he and this mystery person had issues, no, and despite those issues, Will found them a source of stability for all the hassle. Jeff's accuracy doesn't grate or worry, either—he appreciates it. Guy might act like an overgrown frat boy from time to time, but he can't hide that he has a brain in him, too. Will can relate.]
Not in as many words, but we've gone through enough together that they have to realize it. [He took care of the Abel Gideon mess instead of making it worse, doesn't that prove...well, something of his loyalty? He invited him for Easter! He made dinner, he made sure their home was tidier, he let him into his life here! He went back to therapy, doesn't that say everything? Although perhaps that's a bit of Hannibal's hold on him—saying things without being completely direct. Only that leads to ruin. With Will it...shit, well, leads to the same thing, too, perhaps? In this case, at least. And as he says it out loud, he thinks maybe he's putting some of the dish together, the meat within the meat. He looks away from Jeff and back to the drink.] Sounds like that's a big problem, huh? You cracked the case.
[Ha ha, FBI bloodhound humor.]
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Date: 2015-07-05 10:24 pm (UTC)Anyway, the smiling is slightly weird, but something he can work with. He supposes Will smiling is a thing that's allowed, but in the context of falling out with someone enough to want to get drunk and climb through windows, Jeff would say happiness isn't a thing that should be felt. Unless he really is just that good at uplifting people with his speeches that he now doesn't even have to make the speech in the first place. Maybe a bunch of questions is enough.]
Yup. That's me. Solving all the problems like a good little lawyer. Guess you've got nothing to worry about now, huh? [The smallest of smiles forced in return, almost hopeful like just maybe everything has been fixed and now Will isn't going to be sad any more. Friends make friends happy, right? That's a thing that happens, or so he's been led to believe in the short five years of him actually having friends. In the grand scheme of things it's not a long time, and Jeff's really still in the infantile stages of friendship, the sort of lessons most learn in playgroup where he's just realised that sharing is kind of okay and punching someone in the face to steal their crayons is not acceptable behaviour.]
Maybe tell them you're an asshole too. People love it when you can admit that.
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Date: 2015-07-05 10:35 pm (UTC)Just like he doubts Jeff wants to think very much about what he just said. How Jeff claims to be asshole but later goes onto say that people love a person who can admit that about themselves. Surely that's not tied into anything, not at all. Surely Jeff's attempts at isolation while being willing to admit his terrible flaw as an asshole aren't in direct conflict with each other. Surely Jeff isn't subtly hinting that while he might act like he's 100% okay playing the lone wolf game, he really does feel the urge to be loved. That he's human.
Not Jeff Winger. And in the case of Will Graham, who reads between the lines too much sometimes not enough at others...he files this away without bringing it to light.]
I can do that. Maybe in different wording, but...you're right. [He is slowly becoming one with Jeff's couch. Leave him here, he's fine.] Thanks for [opening the window, letting him in (in more ways than one), listening, caring? Oh no.] everything.
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Date: 2015-07-06 11:34 am (UTC)Will knows how to keep Jeff happy though, and he even drags a smile from him at the simple words 'you're right'. Yeah. Of course Jeff is right. He's always right. He makes a career out of being right even when he's completely wrong.]
Just drink your scotch and never mention it again. [OR ELSE. Mention of his kindness can never be spoken about. Although just quickly...] You can sleep on the couch. If you want.
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Date: 2015-07-06 12:31 pm (UTC)Will shifts enough to withdraw his communicator and slide it onto the coffee table. His movements are a bit slower than usual, thanks to the scotch, but it's his silent agreement that yes. He will accept this offer. He will crash his adorable Teddy Graham self on Jeff's couch, thank you kindly. Perhaps Jeff will wake up to find Will still knocked out on it. Perhaps he'll wake up to find him gone and the spot cleaned up like no one had sat on it in days. Could go either way. But if Jeff finds him making any dumb faces or decides to cover his face with dicks ejaculating in his nostrils, there is Will's communicator. He better send April some pics of her husband covered in dicks, Goddamnit.]
You got it.
[Pint-sized terror Bambi takes one last look at Jeff before Will's shadow attaches to him once more, doing his best to keep a smile off his face and his eyes off Jeff. Just gonna down his scotch, eventually kick his shoes off, and sleep over like the wayward cousin who can't go home right now, come on, one night, guys please.]
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